This weekend, a friend of mine and I decided to take a road trip to Athens, GA to see a girl named Kelsey who I’ve known since kindergarten and have been promising to visit for three years now. She lives in a nice house with three other girls about ten minutes from campus.
40 guys all year, you forget how girls live…
…especially how they get ready to go out.
I love road trips and I’m going to miss the impulsive five-hour drives next year even though about 30 minutes into the trip, I realized that I’d remembered to pack a book for pleasure reading (which I haven’t opened), but I’d forgotten other essentials like socks, a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, a towel, shampoo, and my Propecia.
When we arrived at Kelsey’s (after driving through bumper to bumper traffic most of the way as a result of four separate accidents), as is the norm, I desperately needed to shower.
After explaining to Kelsey my ‘essentials-less’ problem (though possibly forgetting to mention the last item, which had nothing to do with the fact that several of her more-than-cute roommates were well within earshot), she reassured me that she had plenty of soap that I could use.
Allow me to clarify something, when I’m at home, I use Old Spice’s Hair and Body Wash (it should also be known that I identify most with the first gentleman in their commercial). It’s quick, easy and gets the whole showering job done with one simple cleanser.
So when I got in Kelsey’s shower, I was a little overwhelmed when I found no less than eleven different bottles/jars/tubs of soap-like products, none of which resembled a bar of soap.
My first impulse was one of panic. I thought, don’t touch any of it, just rinse off and get the hell out of there. But after calming down and fumbling through five products I didn’t know what to do with (What is Curl Sculpting Cream Gel?), I finally found the body wash (cleverly disguised as Olay Body).
Once I’d finished Olaying my body, I decided to gamble and experiment a little.
Foregoing a hotel-style shampoo bottle, I decided to try out Catwalk’s Sexed-Up Body Building Shampoo. And let me tell you, any reservations I had about leaving my comfort zone and testing some new products were washed away with the filth that was on my body before my showering adventure.
I’d figured ’sexed-up’ and ‘body building’ was just advertising puffery but I promise, that stuff is legit. I was immediately immersed in the scent of a prom queen and my biceps grew at least two inches (a 150% increase).
After my eye-opening shampoo experience, I ventured toward Garnier Fructis’ Sleek and Shine, which is a conditioner for “Frizzy, Dry and Unmanageable Hair.”
While I don’t have much hair to work with and what little I do have is neither frizzy nor unmanageable, it is dry. Or should I say was dry…
…until Sleek and Shine.
Once I’d finished conditioning my hair, I was too overwhelmed with my newfangled cleanliness to do anymore experimenting and I decided to dry off. I left the shower, threw on some khakis and a collared shirt and walked into the common room with my head held high.
Kelsey asked how the shower was and I replied with an understating, “revolutionary.”
We went to bars later that night and as I navigated through crowds of UGA students, I swear I heard girls whispering to each other, “Wow, that guy smells really confident” and “I’ll bet the volume of his hair speaks to the volume of his character.”
And maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but sometimes being exposed to something new can lead to a change that leaves you feeling better about yourself and more prepared for the challenges that the future holds.
I know one thing, when I get back to Chapel Hill, the first thing I’m going to do is pick up some sexed-up, bodybuilding shampoo…
…and maybe you should too.